Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
