wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
