you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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