Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
