dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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