tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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