im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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