I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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