I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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