Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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