I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
