At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
