I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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