Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
