Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
