After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You are the jesus of drinking
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
