Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
