He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
