this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
