Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
