It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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