You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
