Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
