naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
