4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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