One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
