i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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