just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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