I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
