She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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