They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
