the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My dick has a subreddit
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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