I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
two words...techno handjob
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
๐๐๐ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
