He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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