I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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