Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
