Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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