So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
