Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
