I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
