i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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