he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
