Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
