Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
