Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
