Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
