Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
