I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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