i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
