it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
