i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
