I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm passing your future prison.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
