the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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