My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This baby is an asshole
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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