I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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